your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
