worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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