I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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