i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
did you just send me my own nude
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
