you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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