the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
