She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize