I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
