I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
