Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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