is your mom at the bar?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
