i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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