Porn is love you can see.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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