You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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