I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
