do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
