I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
