I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
