I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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