Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
