You smell like a Billy Joel song
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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