remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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