They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
