porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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