he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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