What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
