i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
