i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
