oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
