and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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