Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
