At least make sure they are 18
Why
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
