I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
