I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
