so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
