I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
