The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
