I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We named our party play list daddy issues
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
