I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
