I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
