People with herpes should wear stickers.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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