i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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