I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
