My friends, they love my intelligence
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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