Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
