we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
