Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
