She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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