Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
