i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
