I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
