I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
