I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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