so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize