I checked into jail on foursquare
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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