I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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