u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
