So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
