Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I pour the whiskey from now on
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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