marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
