I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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