He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
