i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
