every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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