So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
